I dreamed a dream…

I tend to dream about things that preoccupy me and sometimes I remember those dreams, sometimes I don’t. Last night’s dream I do remember very vividly and it has stuck with me all day! I blame that dream on all the pictures I’ve been admiring from the Battle of the Five Armies behind the scenes posted by Thorin_Only on Instagram (thank you!)…

So here goes…

In my dream I am going to a new movie with Richard in it, together with a friend of mine (what movie and which friend remain somehow unidentified in this dream, however). The cinema is huge, I’ve never been to such a huge cinema before in my life and somehow that cinema is in Los Angeles (not that I have ever been there). My friend and I are seated somewhere near the front to the right of the screen. And then the lights go out, I remember telling people to be quiet, and the movie starts. We get an instruction at the beginning of the movie to please follow the usher, so we all get up and walk through a pretty and narrow and old street (totally not LA, I think! Maybe we are in the film set?), with nice old historic houses on each side and the street is made of cobblestones. We cross a bridge over a river, we have to walk uphill a bit and we come to a restaurant. There we are asked to find our seats. I see a high table for two, square and small, and a man with his back to me is sitting at it on a bar stool. I take the seat opposite him and find it is Richard Armitage who is sitting there, looking down! He looks very much like this:

Instagram Thorin_Only (10)

Of course, I am thrilled to be sitting opposite the star of the movie! A lady/hostess starts talking and my attention is distracted. She is telling some sort of story about escaped slaves being hidden in this building, the details I can not recall. Then I look back to Richard and he has transformed into character and now looks pretty much like this:

1987 Papa

This man is my father… Richard Armitage has somehow morphed into my dad! He slowly looks up, his forehead crinking a bit like this (although he does look more serious)…

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… and respectfully he interrupts the hostess. Carefuly measuring his words, like he is explaining something that is very important and really needs to be heard, he patiently tells her (and everyone else in the restaurant) that her story is, in fact, not correct. He progresses to talk about what really happened in this building and that not all people who are portrayed as heroes in her story really are heroes. I start crying, so very moved by seeing my dad come to life again, explaining things patiently like he used to; he looks and feels so real! My dad/Richard doesn’t seem to notice me sniffling, but continues to play his part. Then, at the end of his speech my dad smiles at me, a bit like this…

1988 Papa

… and this part of the performance/movie is over. Everyone is awestruck and I must get up and move on with the rest of the audience and return to the cinema. The funny thing is that Richard is not only my dad, he is also somehow in part my oldest brother (who of all my siblings looks most like my dad).

My friend and I make our way back to the cinema to see the rest of the movie (this restaurant piece was apparently a ‘live’ part of the movie) and take a wrong turn, we have missed the bridge! We turn around and make our way back to the bridge and just before we reach it, we see Richard/my brother sitting at a sidewalk café! I go up to him and although he completely looks like Richard, he feels like my brother. It’s not awkward talking to him (as he is my brother) and I realize I had never before put two and two together: my brother and Richard are one and the same man! Silly me for not seeing that sooner!

“Do you realise why you made me cry?” I ask him.

“Yes, I know,” he says and smiles at me, “I know you miss him, I do too.” He then apologizes for not being able to join us at the cinema, he has to stay at the café with the production team.

My friend and I walk back to the cinema, we take our seats again. I make a mental note to not forget to tell my mother that this movie involves quite a bit of walking and uphill too, so if she wants to see it, she must consider that. The lights go out and the rest of the film starts… and I wake up…

Yes, I am very aware of my Oedipus complex… and never more so than today…

Oedipus complex

I have one. Not of the son-mother kind but of the daughter-father kind. My dad is not tall, but he is dark and handsome and has a human and moral integrity that is almost unparalleled. I find that I married a man not unlike my father and I find that I fall for men that remind me of my father. It is why I fell for Richard Armitage. The minute I saw him on screen for the first time in North and South, I knew this man was ‘dangerous’ and there was a real possibility I could be hooked. He reminded me of my dad instantly and not in a subconscious way either…

ns1-001 1960 Coos and Ellen wedding

“Even his nose looks like my dad’s nose!” was almost the first thing I exclaimed to myself. The first actor I knew that had a similar nose to my dad’s.

Even as a teen, I think I fell for Gregory Peck for the same reason – he also reminded me of my dad.  And Colin Firth. And Richard, in looks he reminds me most of my dad.

Yesterday we heard that the end is nearing for my dad. He is 81 and has Parkinson’s disease and that has now entered the final stage. He has led a full life, he was a pioneer in improving Jewish-Christian relations after WWII and later trying to help improve the attitudes of Jews and Muslims to each other by developing a religious teaching program for schools in Israel. He did his work in the most ego-free way possible, which is probably why he never became world-famous. 😉 He was the dad of a remarkable family: we are 8 kids, 4 of whom were adopted (2 of Palestinian descent and 2 of Ethiopian descent). Even in his personal life he truly lived the message of diversity, understanding and tolerance. Of course, this was also all made possible by my mom, who is just as remarkable, but this post is about my dad now. To me, he has done things in his life that equal him to a Nelson Mandela!

So, yes, at almost 45, I still hero-worship my father and I find that I have never outgrown the Oedipus complex I have…