Blog FAQ… sorta…

As those of you blogging on WordPress may know, you can see what search terms were used by people who have found your site. Most terms are not recorded due to privacy issues, but some searches do make it ‘on record’. The latest one I saw on my stats list today is “audrey hepburn showing middle finger” in Russian (I had to google-translate it)! Oh, that made me laugh!

Many of the search terms used are general ones about Richard Armitage or Colin Firth or Simon Baker and The Mentalist but some search terms are just downright intriguing, interesting or funny! I find myself reacting to some of these searches as if they were frequently asked questions posed to me. It’s a nice little game to play.

So, here goes, the “FAQ’s” that lead to my blog! Well, not really… sorta… (most of these questions are only mentioned once on my list). 🙂

audrey hepburn showing middle finger – Hahaha! Now that I’d like to see… When googling it I find this manipulated photo/gif, apparently it’s a thing!

audrey-finger

 

images eddie redmayne socks – What is special about Eddie Redmayne’s socks? I can’t seem to figure it out but I’d love to know. So, if anyone can elaborate, please feel free to do so. Maybe his socks are very colourful, just like Richard Armitage’s seem to be?

 

richard armitage beautiful man – Well, yeah, can’t argue against that! If you read this blog, you will know that that is a fact of life for me.

RA Woof

 

james cromwell in a fairy film – Apparently when you type that into google, my site is the first one to come up! I guess the search must have been for the movie Babe. Yeah, I blogged about that once. Lovely film!

JC fairy film search

 

i absolutely love colin firth – Me too! He features regularly on my blog!

 

is alistair appleton married? – I confess that I don’t know. He occasionally presents Escape to the Country on the BBC, he’s a Buddhist, he’s a psychotherapist and gives workshops, it says on wikipedia that he’s ‘openly gay’, he has his own site and blog! Every time I look at him I am filled with warm feelings. It’s something in his eyes and a kindness in his face.

 

richard spandex – Ah, yes! Looks like that could become a thing maybe? Sadly it looks like we will never get to see Richard Armitage in spandex now that he won’t be in the Mid Life Crisis movie anymore (not that spandex was guaranteed in that movie by any means). The closest thing to an image of Richard in spandex (that I know of) is the picture of him in that dragon suit for Hannibal.

RA Dragon

Of course, this question may have nothing to do with Armitage at all but could be about any Richard out there… This is what my ‘richard spandex’ search came up with in the first few images displayed (be warned when clicking on them, there’s at least one quite graphic image amongst these 😉 ):

 

richard armitage bare chest AND richard armitage crucible naked – He wasn’t actually naked in The Crucible but yes, he definitely was bare chested in it for a little bit! Wish I had been sitting on the front row in the theatre for that, but luckily it can all be viewed beautifully again and again on Digital Theatre.

armitage proctor @washbasin

 

wet mr darcy – Yes, please.

In fact, the post I once did on wet shirts and bare chests is still quite well read… 😉

andy serkis shirtless – I see a search theme emerging here… I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Andy Serkis shirtless! I have seen him in spandex, or whatever that tight stuff is that he has to wear for his CGI work.

serkis gollum cgi.jpg

 

michael palin the hobbit – Alas, no, Michael Palin wasn’t in The Hobbit. More’s the pity…

daughter is in jail – Well, she’s only 12. I suppose juvenile detention could be an option but no, I have not seen real criminal tendencies in my daughter yet.

how do you say, “happy belated birthday”, in czech? – Even though I have been to the Czech Republic (and the next visit is coming right up, this time to the East right near Poland), I have not learned to speak Czech yet. Google Translate says that “belated happy birthday” translates as”opožděné přání k narozeninám“. Not at all sure how you pronounce that and of course I can not vouch for the correctness of the translation.

is the book of esther a comedy – No, can’t say that it is. Not this one and not the Bible one either. Although maybe some parts could be funny-ish.

was the book of esther about love – This Book of Esther blog is about things that I love and care about, so in that sense, yes. The Book of Esther in the Bible (incidentally, I was named after that Esther) is about love too. The Persian king loves Esther, Esther loves her people and saves them from persecution. I can’t quite remember whether Esther actually falls in love with King Ahasverus herself, but yeah, lots of things are done in the name of love in that Bible book.

Megillat Esther
(source: http://www.loc.gov/rr/amed/guide/hs-foreword.html)

 

boys sexy 3 piece suits – Oh, yes please! I’ve blogged about that too.

esther rose thomas lovely deaf signer – For a moment I thought it said ‘singer’ but it says ‘signer’. I’ve never heard of her, but she sounds and looks lovely!

jisbon fun photo – Which one? I hope you found it! (For those not in the know: Jisbon is the ‘shipper’ name for Patrick Jane and Theresa Lisbon from The Mentalist). I get quite a lot of searches about The Mentalist, Simon Baker and about his wife Rebecca Rigg. They truly are a gorgeous couple worth searching for.

 

call the midwife mark strong – Nope, Mark Strong was never in Call the Midwife. I do get quite a lot of Mark Strong searches, but alas, I haven’t blogged about him that much. I do like him, though!

marta dusseldorp nose – Ah, the lead actress in A Place to Call Home! Yes, her nose does have quite a distinctive shape (click on images to enlarge). I love distinctive noses. In fact, her co-star Brett Climo has a distinctive one as well! Just like some other people I know.

 

chris armitage brother of richard armitage – This is the most used search term in my list, which surprises me because I don’t think I have ever blogged about Richard’s family! I know nothing about them except for their names (except for Richard’s sister-in-law’s name) and that they come from Leicester.

have a beautiful day my love – Thank you!! You too!

Embracing grief

Tragedy hit a year before I was born when my eldest brother died at the age of 7 due to an accident and that has left its mark on my family. He was buried in a little graveyard in a convent just outside Jerusalem and every year while we lived there we’d visit his grave on his birthday and the anniversary of his death. My dad would read a psalm and say a prayer. The grave was close to where we lived and sometimes I’d go there on my own to take a look

2008i IMG_1310
My parents & niece at my brother’s grave in 2008. We had all painted little stones to adorn it.

I always wondered what it would be like having him as an older brother. Other than those commemorations we didn’t speak of him much in the family, it was just too painful a topic to broach with my parents. Over the years occasional anecdotes were told by my mother, who was always more of a talker than my dad, but most things I knew about my brother I learned from my older sister. She had only been 17 months younger than him and had seen the accident happen. What she remembered was from a child’s perspective but I gobbled up every morsel she gave me. My eldest brother was always commemorated but did not really live on in tales, except for the occasional accidental anecdote. Commemorations of my brother always make me cry, but it’s more about the grief I feel for those who have known him, mixed in with some regret that I never knew him myself.

I have never lost any people very close to me. I’ve been to funerals, I’ve cried and regretted people passing, but none of them were really very close. Even my grandparents weren’t very close to me. My mother’s father died before she even got married, my mother’s mom never cared very much for her grandchildren, so the loss was never extremely personal to me, save for the grief it caused my mom and especially my aunt who had been closer to her. My father’s father died when I was 4, I barely remember him. I did grieve for my father’s mother when she died, as she had been a sweet woman, but even she was not close enough to me, due to us having lived abroad so much. I’ve never lost anyone very close to me until my dad died last year. We knew he was frail and that it would happen but we preferred to ban those thoughts. My dad had Parkinson’s disease and was living in a nursing home for the last 3 years of his life. Even though we knew he’d never come home again, his death still hit me hard. It still hits me hard now when I thought that by now I’d surely be feeling better about it. I think that only now do I truly understand the nature of grief and I have this inkling that this gut wrenching feeling will never leave. It may become less frequent but on occasion it will always rear it’s head. Only now am I really beginning to comprehend what my parents and my sister must feel when they think of my eldest brother dying.

People talk of embracing grief and I try to do that but what is it exactly? Allowing yourself to cry? I do that. Allowing yourself to cry with others who knew him? I don’t do that. I find that in my family we don’t talk about it, we just commemorate and sometimes an occasional anecdote will come up. I thought I’d break that cycle the other day when I asked my mom how she was holding up. I mean, if it’s hard for me, it must be even worse for her, losing her soulmate. She won’t talk about it. She does say it’s hard and that she misses him, but she shields herself and doesn’t want to dig deeper. It’s how she has survived and coped all these years after losing my brother, it’s how she continues now after losing my dad. Keep a stiff exterior and only cry at commemorations but please, let’s not hang around his grave too long. She pushes the pain away and I find I don’t want to do that. I’m an easy cryer anyhow… Yet I do find I mostly cry on my own! Just like my mother does, I imagine, and I don’t really share much of my grief with anyone. My husband is the only one who hears some of it but I don’t want to get him down (even though he insists he is there for me should I need to let things out). My kids see little of my grief, I don’t see the point of bringing them down either. I now see that is what my mom is doing as well – hiding it away from everyone to not upset others. I am like my mom in that respect, I find. Maybe a little less rigid about it, but yes, a lot like her in that I don’t want to show anyone how tough this really is on me. Turns out, I don’t think I know how to do it differently from my parents after all…

Today I was reading a piece by Alistair Appleton, who I know from a few BBC shows he used to do (Cash in the Attic and Escape to the Country).

Alistair Appleton

I have always felt drawn to him (he is not only cute but there is a warmth to him), so I follow him on Twitter. He’s a buddhist, gives meditation workshops and apparently recently finished a degree in psychotherapy. He isn’t on Twitter much but today he posted a link to a blog article he wrote about grief called Black Star: death and Bowie. I found myself totally immersed in it, reading it with a lump in the throat. It’s about death and grieving, and confronting that and it hit home. He speaks of his complicated relation with grief, that his mother grieving his grandparents impacted him greatly. In my family, grief was not quite as palpable, except on special days, so I didn’t have much of a relationship with it. Maybe it was good my parents shielded us from most of the grief – maybe it wasn’t.

In any case, David Bowie’s death hit me pretty hard and I have avoided listening to his latest album because of it. I now realize that I have been pushing grief away instead of embracing it, very much like I saw my parents do. This article has made me feel the need to listen to Bowie’s album, watch the two videos he made and deal with it.

Bowie-Blackstar

Maybe listening to the album and watching the videos can be the doorway to finding a better way to grieving for my dad. I don’t want to lock it up like my parents have done and I don’t want to endlessly wallow either. I need to find my own middle ground, maybe this can help me. So, thank you for the wake up call, Alistair Appleton!