It ain’t easy…

These days I find myself singing this David Bowie song in my head…

There’s a lot to deal with over here in the Esther-household.

Things with my daughter (I call her Sec here) and her friend (Tem), who has been admitted to a closed institution, have come to a head. As much as my daughter wants to support her friend, it has become impossible for her to do so now. Tem is putting Sec under pressure to do certain things for her (not only during visits but also in phone calls), trying to manipulate her, venting her frustration onto my daughter and it is causing deep depression, anxiety, sleeplessness and even fear for Sec. For my daughter’s own protection we’ve decided (and she has come to that conclusion herself as well) that it is best to break off contact with Tem for a while. Things have become so toxic that, together with a psychologist, this decision was made and Sec has felt lighter and somewhat relieved because of it since. We always knew the friendship was close but had its problems (hence us separating them in school a few years ago) but it is only now surfacing how deep those problems have become and how much Sec has slowly slipped into a role of suffering friend doing everything for her friend but getting very little in return. There is of course much more to all of this than I wish to write about here, but suffice it to say we have been very worried for Sec. Now, things do seem to be looking up a little for her, so that is good. Still to be continued, though…

And then the next thing: a week ago we were hearing on the news that in my hometown a woman on a bike  had been killed in an accident when a truck didn’t see her and drove over her. Horrifying news and then last weekend, while I was having a lovely weekend away with Suzy in Germany, I was contacted by an ex-colleague who told me the woman who had been killed was the former cleaning lady we used to have at the office! This wasn’t just any cleaning lady, she was the most lovely, cheerful, warm person you could ever wish to meet. I used to organize movie nights and she’d be there (she was working for a cleaning company, not for us, but she was so dear to many of us, I just invited her along every time), at company parties she was always helpful and friendly and full of mischief and laughter. I can still see her wide smile in my mind’s eye. She even insisted on babysitting my kids once and, even though it was only once some 6 or 7 years ago, the kids still remember her and the games she played with them. I last saw her about two years ago during a dinner… I just can’t believe that she was ripped out of her life in such a horrifying way. I understand her family has taken her body to Morocco so she can be buried there. Rest in peace, dear Hassana.  “Inna Lillaahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Raji’oun” (“We surely belong to Allah and to Him we shall return”).

On top of all this, two evenings ago Mr Esther started getting stomach cramps. It got really bad at night, so we went to see a doctor on night duty. Mr Esther was given tests and painkillers and they think it may be gallstones. We were sent home again, with pain sort of managed and were told to make an appointment in the hospital for a scan of his stomach. The pain has not subsided and the meds are turning out to not be doing enough, so this morning I called the doctor again. We now have a low dose of morphine for him. In less than two hours we have that hospital appointment. Going by in how much pain the poor man is, I fear they may even want to keep him there in hospital… we’ll see.

Sorry for the quick brain drain here. Stuff on this blog tends to be escapist and happy-ish but sometimes real life needs to be acknowledged here too. I know that this too shall all pass but as I already said, it ain’t easy this week. In the meantime, I’m posting kittens here to cheer me up…


(To anyone else having a bad week: I got that picture from here:

14 thoughts on “It ain’t easy…

  1. Oh no, lots of difficult things to deal with. I am glad to hear that you have been able to make a constructive decision together with that psychologist that allows daughter to pass on the responsibility without any shame or recrimination.
    What a sad story about the cleaning lady. Horrific!
    And re. gall stones – the closest a man will ever get to the pain of child birth. Not making light of this, just sayin’. I had gall stones myself and had to have my gall bladder removed a few years ago. Good news is that the procedure – although done under general anaesthetics – is a routine and quick one, done by keyhole surgery. I was able to go home only 4 hours after the procedure took place, and the recovery was fast. I am keeping my fingers crossed for Mr Esther!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, there is (expected) anger from Tec over my daughter taking a break but for now it’s alright.
      Thanks for your insight on the surgery. I glimpsed it yesterday and told Mr Esther who appreciated it too. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Glad if it took away some of your worries. In my experience, the gall bladder removal procedure was miraculously quick and without problems. There are three tiny scars left, that’s all. And recuperation was quick and at home, no lengthy hospital stay. The awful pain caused by the gall stones is gone, too. So keeping my fingers crossed that Mr E will wake up in an hour and feel nothing but a sore throat from the ventilation tube.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope Mr Esther feels a little bit better & you know by now what ails him. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for a speedy recovery.
    All in all you have a lot to deal with right now. What a terrible story about your cleaning lady. 😢 Wishing you and yours all the best. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

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